Dad's fish

I hate when the whole area was blackout...
There is no electricity, means that I have no computer, no tv....
The most pissed me off was my dad's fish...
The blackout cause the filter cannot work and it keep leaking!
And that really bothering me and my sister...
That because we have to keep mop it!
Arghh~~~

Last Friday balckout cause that situation repeat again...
Once I have out of my patience and call my dad...
and the problem finally solved~
At night, my dad came back and wanted to change the water in aquarium...
All the family members doesn't want to say anything...
we just kept silent...
The reason is we don't want to get involve... and we also don't want to face his "dark" side...
The funny situation is my dad asked my sister Fong to bring the hose at outside there to him...
That time I was in the kitchen, so I didn't heard it clearly...
When Fong came to kitchen, I ask her " what did papa asked you to do? "
She shruged her shoulders....
I asked her again " what you come here for? "
she shruged her shoulder again...
I saw her took the bucket...
I asked her " what you want to do with that? did papa want to use it? "
She shruged her shoulders again in third times~
When she passed it to my dad, my dad said " take the hose!~ " with a heavy sounds...
My mum and I can't stop laughing, but we have to put up our laugh cause scare my dad will angry... hehehehe~

Finally my dad finished the water change with our help...
I always wonder that....
Is his fish was more important than us?
I still remember when I was 12 years old, about 5 years ago...
I didn't purposely have a big move or something and scared the fish...
My dad scolded me and I cried~ ( so embrassing talk this here )
My dad also always scolded my mum that didn't buy some small fish to feed it...
Then my mum started to complaint....
hahaha~

School life start~

After 2 weeks holidays,
school life start again...
Ooohh~
so lazy~
All my friends also said that they didnt want to back to school...
Have to face the school building, teacher, books, instead of computer games, movies, shopping...
hahahaha~

Anyway, don't talk about the past holidays,
coz my holidays is bored...
nothing happend....
Just wake up late, watch movies, and eat, sleep...
normal life~ 宅男 lifestyle~

Today go to school...
All my classmates didn't change at all...
But my English teacher cut her hair short...
Qiute fine~

Most horrible thing is my paper was given to us...
Well....
SUCKS!!!!
got some subjects failed~
Ma~ don''t punish me~

ending the suffer

Been suffered about 4 months...
I think it is enough for me...
Last some post talk about emotional thing,
and I realize that it's been so long I didn't talk about my life~
kind of out of topic of my blog...
I shouldn't bring my emotion to here~
Shit...

Anyway, sorry lor~
I should not share my sadness,
Otherwise some people will think I just want to get attension or think I'm fake or something...

Get ready for my life~
Whole new life~

so far,
I can handle it........ I think?

心底

一整天累积下来的情绪,
多半都一直劝告自己去忘记...
甚至常常劝自己要狠下心去决定...
还傻傻地自言自语,
好像自己分饰成两个角色,
自己对着自己竖起拇指说自己作了一个绝对让自己不后悔的决定...

但是只怕自己的情绪化破坏了这一切的信念,
就连看个爱情电影,
感动画面就会让我心软...
就想今天我看了 [ 麻辣天后宫 ], 主题讨论夫妻之间的告解,
原来经营两个人的关系是非常的不容易...

但是在我睡觉的时候,
这些情绪也在跟我" 陪睡 " 吗?
为什么我明明那么迟睡了,
第二天还是依然那么早醒?
还发现胸口的疼痛...
难道就是被痛醒?

就是明明已经不断的想通了,
但是为什么偏偏还是会被痛醒呢?
难道这就是一种阴影?
还是内心最深处最想传达给自己的一个信息?

很抱歉...
我连想的勇气都没有...
过去的4个月,
痛的感觉已经让我筋疲力尽了,
我不能再这样虐待我自己...
免得将来会后悔, 甚至骂自己笨...

6月11日 ( 或过后 )
见了他后...
希望一切会是全新的开始...

能得回什么?

反复听着梁静茹的 [ 第三者 ]
算是安慰吧~

歌词不仅仅是诉说恋情的第三者...
也意味着感情上的种种问题~

某一些难解的隔阂...
把爱伤害了那多不值得...

没有谁非爱谁不可,
就算变心了也非罪不可赦...

人会因为时间的流逝而变心,
他的工作, 都会在几个地方逗留一段时间在去到别的地方...
这样的工作环境, 一定都难免会喜新厌旧,
在每一个地方都有几个陪伴...
因忍受不了寂寞, 而寻欢...

那些人都是无辜的...
他们也只不过只是听天的安排...
就算他们消失此刻, 我又能得回什么呢?
责怪他们又凭什么呢?

虽然我愤怒但是我还是要明白的...
把过错让他们去背着, 那是不对的...

他正在寻找幸福,
没有谁把谁的幸福没收...
没有谁怪谁...
每段感情都有竞争者...
我不能妒嫉他们的快乐,
虽然我的人生因此有曲折...

失去和离别,
就是生命中的一部分...
我们谁都不能逃脱...

失去了,
只能怪时间是折磨人的,
怪记忆是残酷的,
怪爱情是可怕的...

如果

如果当初我没有拿你的号码,
我们现在就是陌生人...

如果当初我不是在那里打工,
而你也不是在那里工作,
我们就不会见面...

如果当初我拒绝见面,
我们现在就不认识...

如果当初我们只有擦肩而过,
我们就不会有今天...

如果我没有主动跟你打招呼,
我们就不会有沟通...

如果不是丘比特的恶作剧,
我们就不会......

如果没有你... 就没有伤心的我...

一切的如果, 造就没有如果...

习惯

今天早上写一封信息问他...
" Hey... When you come Miri o? "
然后再上学去~

我就是讨厌我这种牡羊座的个性 --- 冲动
明知道他可能不会回复我,
这样又会影响我接下来一段时间的心情...

正如我所说的...
今天我很努力不要去想那事情,
但是我还是无法控制自己...
我还是往不好的方面去想 ( 一直都这样 )
为什么呢?
因为这就是所谓的做最坏的打算...
也算是作好一个心理准备...

考试作答完成后, 应该还有半个小时的时间...
我就一直在想~

他等下应该不会回复我的信息~
他当然已经不在乎我...
我能怎样?
我一定是放下令我失望的手机,
拿起Ipod去厕所一边大号一边听音乐 ( 我的怪僻 )...
上完厕所, 就在电脑前上网...
在不然下午睡觉, 免得想太多而感到疲倦...
醒来后, 再开电脑上网...
看看连续剧...
晚上睡觉前听Ipod 里的固定歌曲...
枕头又要湿了...

想啊想~
忽然觉得这4个月里,
几乎每天都这样...
做的每一件事情都带着痛苦的心情...
相同的, 痛苦时都会做这些事情...
晚上睡觉前泪水证明那一天的伤心,
好像已经是一种习惯了~

果然回来家里,
很承重的心情拿起手机...
正如我今天早上所想的一样...
很自然的拿起了我的Ipod, 然后上厕所...

又重复了这种 " 日常生活习惯 "

原来痛苦也可以是一种习惯...